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Posted by Carolyn Harris in Untagged
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It depends on who you ask. Those who believe so are very vocal. Those whom I have helped, the homeless lady and her children whom I fed, those I counseled out of suicide and many others are without voice, and you will never hear from them, but they will always remember those kindnesses, acts of selfless devotion and how it impacted them.
It is this that defines us: how we react. Do you do what is right when it will hurt you? When no one will ever know if you did or did not? Do you do what is right when it is difficult, when it is excruciatingly hard to do?
We are neither our circumstances nor a situation, we are much more than this. One may be in a terrible situation, bad circumstances but it is how we handle ourselves and react that is important. All situations are temporary, but our words last forever in the hearts of those who hear or read them.
It is not healthy to view ourselves or others as a cardboard cut-out - all good or all wicked. It does both the person and ourselves a disservice. We are multifaceted, complex creatures, and sometimes we hurt people or anger others, and sometimes we help and bring joy. Are those in balance, or is there more of the former and less of the latter? If so then we have some hard work to do on ourselves. If there is more of the latter and less of the former, then we are doing well by ourselves and others.
Working on oneself is difficult. It is painful, uncomfortable and we avoid it like the plague. It is so much easier to blame others for situations, circumstances or permutations thereof. It is more difficult to apologize, take responsibility and reflect internally on our part in that situation. For some it is nigh impossible to apologize, but it is necessary. Accepting responsibility does not absolve one of the pain or anger or other negative emotions that are an effect of our behaviour or words, but it begins the process of self-work. It is the first step in a series that we must take to change our thinking, patterns of behaviour and apply that in future situations. And forgiveness does not absolve one of the need for inner reflection, neither does it mean that the pain of our actions has been healed or forgotten. Forgiveness simply means that one gives up retaliating against you.
I, like you dear reader, have hurt others. I have behaved badly. I have apologized and accepted my responsibility. I reflect and ponder and self-examine to decide what is really my part and what is not, what are my patterns of behaviour, patterns of thinking and what I need to change so I can be a better person, and how I can apply this in a different situation. I have also done well, I have helped, brought joy and love to others, as have you.